Waiting For the Other Shoe to Drop
I will never forget the moment I noticed it.
It was almost twenty years ago, but it sometimes feels like yesterday. The prior few years had blown around and through me like a whirlwind. A tearful parting of the ways with the spiritual epicenter of my existence. A volatile separation and divorce. My very first apartment on my own. A new love. Marriage. A new home with my new love.
A couple of years passed.
And then there was the quiet.
It creeped in, at first unnoticed, unacknowledged. A tiny little tug in the pit of my stomach.
When is it going to happen?
The little tug began to grow in intensity.
That damn quiet.
I kept waiting for it. Expecting it. Perhaps dreading it.
What?
I just knew that my life was too good to be true. Certainly the Universe, or God, or whoever was watching, would soon discover my newfound joy and certainly it would be gone before I could bat my eyes.
I began to panic that something or someone would come to take this utopia away. I did not deserve such peace and happiness. What or when or where would it come from? Would it be my fault? As it always was in the past?
That unspoken, unacknowledged, and certainly unrecognized fear hid in the recesses of my being for years before one day I finally noticed that nothing bad had taken my joy away. I saw that fear, lurking in every corner of my house, promising me that something was not right. Something was too good. I did not deserve such happiness.
This fear is even worse for someone who is intuitive, because it is hard to tell if I am feeling something intuitively or if I am feeling an irrational fear. Sometimes it may not even be my fear. I may be feeling someone's else's fear. Perhaps a client I am about to see. Perhaps someone in my close circle of important people.
But one day I noticed it. I became aware. And awareness is the first step to freedom.
Over the years in seeing clients, and especially in doing work to heal wounds of the soul, I find this fear often lurking undetected, unacknowledged, and certainly unaddressed in the hearts of good souls for decades, sometimes. This fear that things are going too well. Certainly something is going to come and take my happiness away. And it will very possibly be my fault.
Fear of impending doom.
So many of us have it but most of us don't recognize it or realize that it is eating away at our happiness.
We can call it by different names. Fear of the unknown. Fear of calamity. Fear of a vengeful god.
The truth is, life is unpredictable. Sure, bad things happen, often unexpectedly. They have probably happened to all of us. But when we live our lives secretly afraid that if we get too happy or life begins to go too well, that it is inevitable that something or someone will be taken away from us, we are projecting our sense of well-being outside of our current life experience into an unknown and fearful future.
Life seems to run in cycles. Many times we get stuck in cycles of tragedy. When they happen, we somehow blame ourselves or feel guilty for moving forward and continuing living our lives. We may feel somehow responsible for the tragedy, or we may feel we don't have the right to feel joy and happiness if someone else is suffering or is no longer around.
It may be that the other shoe has dropped so many times and in so many various ways that you haven't really experienced much of the moments of joy and happiness so it is not the fear of impending doom but the reality of continued tradegy.
It is time to stop the cycle!
Living our lives secretly fearing that anything good in our lives will be taken away unexpectedly and possibly tragically is not living!
Say this," I lovingly release the fear of impending doom from every experience as a soul through all space and time. I pull all of the love of the universe into my heart and I am grateful for this moment in time. All is well. Right here. Right now."
The only way to truly release this fear is to acknowledge that we really have no control over fated events. Yes. Bad things happen and most of the time there is nothing we can do about them. Life is by definition unpredictable. We will make mistakes. We will experience pain and loss. But when we get stuck in the fear of those events, then we cannot truly live.
Just for today, surrender your desire that life be perfect. Acknowledge that sometimes life is going to be excrutiatingly painful. And you will heal. Or maybe you won't. But you will be okay either way.
One of the principles of Buddhism states that attachment leads to suffering. If you have a moment to contemplate, think about what things you are attached to. These are the things that you may be afraid of losing. If we can take that one step further, what outcome are you fearing? If the worst happened, then what?
Surrendering to an unknown future is knowing that, one way or another, you will be okay either way. On the other side of that fear is freedom.
Bring your awareness into the present moment and take it out of the future which has not happened yet and most likely, the worst that you fear will not happen anyway! Deciding to bring your awareness into the present moment is not ignoring the future or not planning the future. You still have to have some sort of preparedness for future events. But decide to remove yourself from the fear of what might happen, or could happen, or what danger lies around the next bend in the road. And know that in this moment. All is well. And that is enough.
Do something today that feels amazingly good. And realize that you have the right to feel joy. To be happy. Be in gratitude for all the amazing and wonderful moments just as you realize that the painful ones may be right around the corner. But you will be okay.
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As we navigate these unpredictable days, I am here for you! You can schedule an appointment with me and find out what is happening in your energy field and heal those hidden fears and wounds of the soul. Receive a message from the spirit world and regain your sense of well-being.
I have a couple of books for sale that make good gifts for that "woo woo" friend or for yourself!
Check out my social media where I post a message from Spirit daily!
Find all these things and more..
