Moving On From Loss
Losing loved ones can be painful. Especially these days, with the collective experience of the Covid 19 virus. Those who are crossing are doing so alone, without their loved ones surrounding them with love. Those who are left behind are left without closure, without the benefit of saying goodbye.
Even if the loss is not actual physical death, but the loss of a relationship, or a job, or any number of other painful experiences, moving on is sometimes the last thing on our minds.
So many times, loss is made worse by our attempts to hold on or resist the inevitable. Even our doctors are trained in resuscitating those who are transitioning. However, sometimes,it is better to let go of what was and know that on the other side of that death experience, whether it is an actual physical death or one less tangible, is bliss.
I was watching a podcast the other day, and the physician speaking was trained in end of life medicine. In one thirty six hour shift, he had the experience of resuscitating three people from death. What dampered his feeling of accomplishment was an identical reaction from all three patients. Upon awakening, they all three asked him, "why did you bring me back?"
Early on in my work as a shamanic healer, I was put into contact with a man who was in a coma. His wife was beside herself with grief, refusing to leave his side to sleep or shower or eat. I was employed to try to get in touch with the man's soul. When I connected with him, I found him in a tunnel of colors. He was looking toward the end of the tunnel, but would often look back and see his wife grieving. I saw his thoughts of their days of ballroom dancing. (I later found out that the couple had met at a ballroom dancing meet up, and that it was their favorite pasttime!)
I assured him that it was his choice to stay or go. I was not there to convince him to come back, as seems to be the case with many of us who are living and missing our loved ones! I believe in free will. Even when someone asks me to pray for the sick, or send healing energy to someone suffering, I always predicate my requests with the request that the outcome be "whatever is best for everyone concerned." I assured him that, yes, his wife would grieve, but the choice to stay or go was his, and his alone.
The next day, as I spoke with the family, and shared my connection with him, they affirmed that soon after I had done my session with his soul, he had indeed woken up, sat up in bed, and spoken to his wife for a few minutes. However, later on that evening he had passed.
Our connection to those who are leaving this world is one of the things that helps or hinders our loved ones in finding closure and moving on! Many times it is like they are waiting to receive permission to move on!
A couple of weeks before my dad passed, he found himself in and out of consciousness after a nasty fall. The preacher had come, and, to my dismay, had commanded him to wake up and be healed! After he left, I had a conversation with dad's soul. I reminded him of a story he had told me of his younger days soon before he married my mother.
My dad was very spiritual. Our lives and the lives of generations past revolved around a deep faith. He had shared with me that he had come to God with a specific request. He felt deeply that he had received a reply. He shared that God had spoken to him and said, "Don't come to me with what you want. Come to me with empty hands. And I will fill your hands with what is best."
As I stood beside my dad's hospital bed, I reminded him of the story. I told him that I was not asking for him to be healed. I was coming to him with empty hands. Whatever was best is what I wanted for him.
Whether or not you are saying goodbye to a loved one who is crossing from this life to the next, or whether you are releasing a failed relationship, a lost job, or even a portion of yourself that is no longer a part of your identity, it is important to allow the loss to really die a good death. Send them off with love and with the expectation that the next experience after the death will be bliss. Yes, give yourself time to grieve. But know that on the other side of death is bliss. And you will both be okay.