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Soul Mates and Twin Flames

In today's chat, you may find that I start parting company with a lot of what other people say and believe about various aspects of relationships, and even definitions of certain terms we have come to use commonly.

couple holding hands

Based on my chat about fate and destiny in a previous blog post, I wanted to begin to delve into some of the beliefs and understandings when it comes to our primary relationships and how fate and destiny fit in when we start considering the main people who we have in our lives.

Let's begin by defining exactly what we are talking about when we call someone our "soul mate" or our "twin flame."

In order to do that, let's first talk about exactly what is our soul as I understand it. I have found that there is a bit of discrepancy when talking about the soul. Many spiritual teachers define the soul as the very perfect and complete part of us that is actually the Divine living out a human existence. In that respect, the Divine can't be wounded. It can't be stolen or lost. It can't get stuck. It doesn't ever NOT go to the light. I have a different term for that particular definition of the soul. I call that the higher self.

I do believe that we are, in fact, divine beings having a human experience. I believe we are awareness. I believe that much of what we experience in life is sort of like an interactive video game, where we assume certain roles and play certain parts, while at the same time, other divine beings do the same. As we interact with one another, we create our reality.

I would not necessarily define the part of us that is awareness, that is playing the video game, the soul. I would call that the higher self. The higher self is aware of itself as playing the game. It is perfect, whole and complete. It does not get wounded, lost or stuck.

My definition of a soul may be a bit different from others, and that is okay. It doesn't mean either of us is wrong. I asked my Guides about this and they said it is only a difference of definitions of certain words. Neither of us is right or wrong.

I have been crossing over what I call souls that have not completely made it to the light for years as well as performed what is defined as a "soul retrieval," a term that implies that yes, certain aspects of our soul, or what I sometimes call our "life force" escape our physical bodies and get lost in other people's energy fields, in locations, and yes, even in the astral plane which I described in last week's blog post.

So it is evident that what I have been calling the soul for years is not exactly what some other spiritual teachers call the soul. What I call an aspect of the soul is what some would call the personality.

I like to think of the soul as everything combined. The higher self as well as the physical experience we have in our current lifetime, any previous lifetimes, and even portions that we inherit from our ancestors through our bloodline. What I define as the soul is all of that. And although our higher self cannot be wounded, the part of our awareness that is here living a human life can be wounded, and lost, and yes, even stuck. I have been calling the soul this for a very long time and it may take some getting used to changing my definition, so for now, I am keeping it.

Now that we are on the same page regarding the definition of the soul as I define it, let's talk about twin flames.

Historically, a twin flame was first described by Plato. Plato asserted that Zeus created man and woman by splitting an androgynous being in half because he feared the power of humans. Both "halves" would long for one another during this separation and spend a good deal of time searching for their "other half." This has survived antiquity in some ways when we call our spouses our "other half." There is a very romanticized idea that we are completely lacking in some ways that our "other half" completes.

This, to me, is a flawed concept. This theory or what I would call a "limiting belief" is that we are incomplete on our own and that we need something or someone outside of ourselves to "complete" us.

I believe that I am a complete work of art on my own. I am not lost or incomplete if I do not find my "other half." I do not need to worry that if the person that is my twin flame ends up in another relationship, that I am doomed to live a lonely life. I also do not believe that a romantic relationship of any kind is "fated," unless free will has been somehow eliminated or negated, which we will talk about in a moment. Fate, as you remember from my previous blog post, is something that happens that is out of my ability to change.

Just because a philosopher who lived 400-500 BC said something does not make it true, just as in all texts from antiquity. Ancient texts are written in the perspective, understanding, and culture of their own time frame. I sincerely hope after several thousand years we would have evolved in our thinking a bit since then. (And yes, I also believe the same thing about other ancient texts, even the ones that are proported to be Divinely inspired.)

So now let's talk about soul mates.

It is my understanding that a soul mate is someone who we feel drawn to energetically in a way that is similar to a twin flame, but not in such a way that we are somehow "fated" to be together, and if we aren't, we will die a lonely existence. Soul mates are people you are drawn to out of similarity of some kind. You feel an attraction to them out of some sort of common denominator. Maybe your soul feels drawn to them and you can't really identify why, but you like being around them. I would call this a "vibrational attraction." Your vibration is at a similar frequency to another person, so you feel energetically attracted to them, like two magnets. This is not limited to romance. This could be a friend or work colleague, or any number of other relationships.

When I am giving relationship advice to my clients, I always say that the most important thing you can do when you are interested in attracting a relationship of some kind into your life is to make sure your vibration is as high as you can, because the person you attract is going to reflect you in some way. The reason a lot of people end up attracting people in their lives who end up being very similar is that they did not change their vibration in between relationships so they ended up attracting the very same thing in a different body.

I always recommend a soul healing for those who have ended difficult relationships before they try to attract someone new, because they will end up attracting the same exact thing again and again. You can make an appointment with me for a soul healing HERE.

So now that you understand where I personally stand on soul mates and twin flames, let's talk about destiny and fate in the aspect of how they play out in relationships. Can a relationship be fated or is it more of a destiny thing? Remember that fate is something outside of your ability to change and destiny is more of a potential depending on a number of factors, including free will.

There are a couple of relationships you have no ability to change, at least not at this stage in the game, and that is who your parents and siblings are, and relationships that happened to you when you were too young to choose or for some reason not living in the area of free will. So slavery could be considered fated, since slaves are not choosing their experience, at least not consciously. If there is any way you can choose something different, then the relationship is not fated.

There is the concept of choosing your parents before you incarnated, and how it came about that you ended up with the particular parents that you did, but I am not going to cover that at this time. I want to talk more about things you can or cannot choose in your life right now, or at least since free will came online for you.

We can delve into a lot of rabbit holes here! What about cults and people who are brainwashed? What about people who are incarcerated? What about people who are mentally unable to make choices for themselves for some reason? Are these things fated or are they destiny?

I have posed these questions to my Guides and they tell me that the answer is as unique as that individual soul and their individual "soul contract" and purpose for being here. If we think about people like Harriet Tubman, who refused to live a life as a slave and became someone who assisted other slaves to freedom, we can wonder if slavery is completely fated, since she chose freedom despite her outside circumstances. However, then we have to consider that every soul is unique and her unique personality enabled her to only be able to see herself as a free person, and so she was able to create the reality of it, where other people were not afforded that ability. We have to understand that each of us is completely unique, and our soul's memories, wounds, beliefs, emotions, and physical attributes all play a part in tandem with our outside circumstances to make every soul that incarnates a completely unique soul with a unique set of circumstances with which we all choose to create our life or be a victim to circumstances.

So, after all this, do I believe that our relationships are fated? Yes and no!

In the best case scenario, I like to think I am in charge of my life and that I am free to choose to be in a relationship or not. However, in my early life I did not understand this concept and very much felt like I was a helpless victim doomed to live a life I did not want at all! However, if I came right down to it, I chose to be in the relationships I was in. I chose badly, due to my own lack of self-esteem and due to my religious beliefs. But I very well could have chosen differently, and eventually, I did!

The bottom line is, the best relationships are the ones that you willingly choose, and keep on choosing, over time. When you feel like you are in a relationship with someone who you are with because you enjoy being with them, and they enhance your own inner happiness and joy, they are healthy and empowering. When you begin to feel like you are missing something when you are not with that person, then is when they can potentially become unhealthy. That does not mean I do not miss my husband when we are apart, but I do not feel like I am missing a piece of myself. I miss the soul that he is and how I feel when I am with him, but my soul is intact.

My husband and I like to say, I could not live without you. This does not mean we couldn't. It just means we don't want to. (And yes, we have argued this point with each other!) Either of us would be perfectly capable of taking care of ourselves if the other one was not around. But we choose to be together. We choose each other, not out of neediness or lack, but out of love. This does not mean we never disagree or even argue on occasion, but in the end we release any resentments and continue on with love.

I believe that we can have a number of soul mates in life. Anyone with whom we feel an energetic connection of some kind could be a soul mate. This does not mean when our paths no longer continue on in the same direction that one or the other of us is doomed to live a lonely life.

Years ago I had a best friend. I remember the day that she first walked into church and sat down in the row in front of me. I instantly knew I wanted to be her friend. I reached out to her first and we became fast friends for several years.

I cannot even describe how my life changed from being her friend. She introduced me to soul healing. She introduced me to giving spiritual messages. She taught me how it was to be an empowered woman living an empowered life. I do believe that she was sent to me to offer me the opportunity to shift the potential trajectory of my life and go a different way. I hope I was also sent to her for some reason, but I can't say what gift I gave her. At some point we had a falling out and went our separate ways. And then we met up again, years later, and rekindled our friendship temporarily, but it did not last.

I do believe that she was a soul mate, even though there was no romantic connection. We were connected in our souls. And then we went our separate ways.

Were we "fated" to be friends? Why was I instantly inspired to reach out and be her friend, when I was a shy church girl who did not normally behave that way? Did we make a soul contract before we were born into this life to become friends? Did I have a choice?

Yes. I did have a choice. I could have been inspired to reach out to her and be her friend, but I could have resisted that desire and our friendship would have never happened. Did we have a soul contract? Probably. Yes. So maybe a little bit of fate and a little bit of destiny created that friendship, and also ended it.

Soul mate relationships enhance your life in some way. They offer you a gift you would not have had any other way. And when the relationship has fulfilled its purpose, you will most likely part ways.

Don't ever allow someone else to tell you who your "soul mate" or your "twin flame" is! There are people out there claiming to have that kind of information, but anytime you give someone else power over you and your life, you are disempowering yourself!

Based on my line of work, I do have people make appointments with me so that they can know whether the person they are with is "the one" or not, or whether the relationship is going to last, or whether that person is their soul mate or their twin flame. Some have come to me because another psychic told them that the person they were with was their soul mate, and then that person broke up with them, and they were devastated! I may tell you whether or not the person you are with is a good energetic match to you, if they are lying to you or maybe some other details of your relationship, but it is completely up to you what decisions you make in regards to your relationships!

Also, remember that you can be a good energetic match to someone at one point in your life, but over time, the vibrational match fades or changes. As we grow and evolve, our personal vibrations change and shift, and it is important to realize that the person we are with may change and shift too! Whether or not you stay together may be reliant on whether you are able to keep that vibration to a level that is in alignment to one another or not. If you change and grow in different ways, your relationship may lose its spark. There is nothing wrong with admitting that you are no longer vibrationally compatible.

Remember. Fated relationships are ones that you have no ability to change. This means that in some way free will has been intercepted. Normally, other than (in some cases) our blood relatives, fated relationships are not that fun! I would rather be in a relationship with someone who chooses me and I choose them of my own free will, over and over through time as we grow and evolve together and individually.

So if you are out there either looking for your true love, a best friend, possibly you are grieving the loss of someone who you thought was one but now they are gone, know that relationships are plentiful and available to you! Align yourself with the belief that you are a vibrational match to a loving, equally beneficial joyful relationship, and then watch that person show up!


If you would like to schedule a session with me, find out more about me, see what events, gatherings, or classes I have coming up, or read one of my books on various spiritual subjects, check me out!



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