Making Peace With Those Who Have Passed


During the holidays, we may feel the presence of those who we have lost to death more than other times of the year. Believe it or not, the living are not the only ones who enjoy the holidays. Our loved ones and ancestors who have passed from this life to the next often make their presence known in a more tangible way during holidays.


Why is this?


There are a couple of reasons. The biggest reason is probably because when they were living they enjoyed the holiday themselves. They probably loved having family close, perhaps enjoying a meal or celebration with the people they loved. There may have been a family tradition that they participated in or enjoyed. It is more likely those who you love who have crossed over will be in your presence during a time when they were most happy or most enjoyed spending time with family.


Another possibility is that they come around because it is a time of year when it is more likely for family to join together. They can have all of the people they love together in the same room. (Well, this may change this year due to Covid-19 but generally it tends to be true.) They also tend to show up at funerals, weddings, and other times when people who they were close to show up and spend time together.


Knowing that a loved one who is no longer in their physical body is present with you can be comforting or disconcerting at the same time. Are they going to follow you in the bathroom? Are they around when you are dressing or sleeping?


Remember that your loved ones are connected to you through emotions, such as love. If you had a healthy, loving relationship when they were alive they will probably want to respect your boundaries just like they would have when they were alive. However, if your relationship was strained or disfunctional, you may have to set some boundaries since they are no longer bound by a physical form.


If you desire a connection with a loved one who is no longer in physical form, whether it is during the holidays or not, you may want to have a picture or a momento of some kind which symbolizes them in some way. Light a candle, perhaps fix their favorite meal, or even talk to them as if they were in the room. If you are cooking a meal that they prepared when they were alive, ask if you are doing it correctly!


The other day I was fixing cornbread, a specialty of my ex-mother-in-law. She taught me how to make it and, for awhile, since she passed, I was unable to fix it without it falling apart. I assumed this was her way of getting back at me for divorcing her son, however, this particular day my daughter, her granddaughter, was at the house. I did add an ingredient that she would not have used, but I paused and acknowledged to her that this was not how she made it, but I would appreciate her blessing anyway. The cornbread turned out perfect!


Remember that we are connected to our loved ones through our bloodline and through love, or any strong emotion. If someone you are mad at is on the other side, yes, you should probably work that out, because emotions tie us to people on the other side.


If the emotion is love, it is important to acknowledge them and thank them for the time you shared and for their gifts to you. I like to give my mom some chocolate every once in a while. I place it in front of her picture and thank her for her blessings to me. I have given my dad a little of my morning tea, or a taste of my wine. Giving gifts to the dead is one way to draw them close and honor their presence.


Remember that just because you did not know a particular ancestor does not mean they do not know you! You are connected to your ancestors through your bloodline! It is important to acknowledge all your ancestors, the ones you know and love, and the ones you perhaps would rather forget for whatever reason.


Be at peace with those with whom you share DNA.


When you decide to cut a person out of your family line, you are cutting off a piece of your own life force. Like it or not, we are the combination of the bloodline of our mother and our father. Despite their actions or behavior when they were living, their contribution made you who you are today. When you decide to completely eliminate any mention of them, you are creating a void or a break in your family tree. This cannot have any good repercussions. At some point in time, that which is excluded will cry out for inclusion,as outlined in the family constellation work of John L Payne. This could cause the unacceptable behavior to repeat itself in the bloodline.


As we come to the end of this year, it is so important to release all that we have experienced, with love, and to say goodbye to those whose lives were taken by this deadly virus. As many have chosen to downsize their normal holiday celebrations, it is so important to honor those who are absent from our celebrations by some sort of acknowledgement.


Remember that the best gift you can give to your loved ones on the other side is the gift of your fully lived life! If they really love you, do you think they want to see you trudging through sadly due to their absence? Love is acceptance. There is nothing you can do to bring them back to you in their previous form. Choosing to not live your life does not honor their presence or love in your life.


Grief is one of those things that has to be allowed to run its course. You cannot stuff it down, pretend it isn't there, or hide it in a closet. However, it is important to give your loved one on the other side the gift of their soul. Release their soul to the next phase of their existence in whatever form that takes. You can simply say, "I release your soul to the Light with Love." You may thank them for the gift of their presence in your life. You could list something specific that their life gave you. This frees them from feeling responsible to stick around for you, and it frees you too!


As we approach the beginning of a new year, use these last few days of 2020 to really release that which has passed into the past. Bless those who have transitioned, and wish them well in their journey.


We are a combination of that which is uniquely us and that which we have acquired through those who have touched our lives. Bless each aspect with love and acknowledge all that has transpired to give us the life that we live today. Bless those who are no longer with us with love and allow them the opportunity to move on to the next expression of their soul.


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